404 blog deleted

I'm moving!

2008-09-30T15:50:00.003-04:00

I've never been truly comfortable with blogging so that the whole world can read it. I prefer to write about how my life and feelings play into my opinions and beliefs and I don't feel safe doing so quite so publicly as on Blogger. I'm moving my "public" posts to the blog on my page on the Wittenberg Trail community. If you'd like to keep up with me, that's where you can find me. I feel much more comfortable posting where the readers are all registered users, the men are (mostly) pastors and the kindred spirits are above average. ;)

MIA

2008-07-04T10:11:00.002-04:00

I guess I should post something. People on WT keep asking if I'm okay, and now I've received a comment or two here. Yes, as a matter of fact, I have fallen off the face of the earth. Just kidding.

I have no excuse. I just haven't posted anything. I have 3 blogs. My personal LiveJournal account, where all my entries are locked. Only a select few people can read it. I have my portraiture business blog, which I haven't updated since last fall. And I have this blog. When I blog I prefer to be very candid and transparent. I don't feel comfortable doing that here, and I don't think it's professional to do that on my biz blog. Thus, everything I have to say ends up behind locked doors on LJ. (Oh wait, I have the petition blog too, but that's kind of moot now that Issues, Etc. is back.)

I am alive and well. We've been very busy. My daughter has been in the hospital a couple of times, but she's doing fine. We tore up our carpeting and had the hardwood repaired and refinished. We painted. We got new baseboards. I've been stalking craigslist for furniture that can double as posing props for the studio. I got a neat chaise lounger (fainting sofa) off ebay for $61, but it needs to be reupholstered. I got a sweet purple wingback chair for $25, but it's out with Furniture Medic getting repaired. I scored a leather wingback chair with brass tacks for $25 bucks at the Salvation Army store. We sold our Ikea entertainment center, and got a new bookshelf and I painted a nifty cabinet from the Salvation Army for our TV and components. I got a couple of rugs for the floor to make it cozy.

We still need some drywall work but the contractor I wanted to hire flaked out on me. The other contractor I talked to gave me a lowball price and then offered to include 3 other drywall repairs in the price. That just seemed fishy to me. So, we have two incompleted walls with painted paneling that I DETEST.

We ripped out some overgrown bushes and put in some plants. I got a 3 piece wicker furniture set for the porch for $20. We even unloaded all our old lava rock by posting it on Craigslist.

My husband is running for.. something. I don't want to say here which office he's running for.

We changed churches. I loved where we were going, but we felt it didn't offer much more than a beautiful, reverent and historic liturgy. We wanted something with a school (other children), adult catechism and other classes, opportunities for fellowship, and places to serve. Now that we've found all that, it feels like we've also encountered compromise. I've decided that I don't like the 3 year lectionary. I don't like it when the liturgy changes every week, and I REALLY REALLY want weekly communion. I miss that the most. It doesn't feel like church without sacrament. The sermons are longer, but they seem lacking in the law AND gospel. It's like... minimal law and watered down gospel. I can get that elsewhere. Where is the Lutheran Faith (and practice) that I read about on WT, and hear about on Issues, Etc.? Do I have to drive to Hamel every Sunday to find it? I realize that no church is perfect, but I don't want modern mainstream Lutheranism. I want historical, confessional Lutheranism.

And, I must say, Lutheranism is a lonely, isolating faith. I feel out of touch with the American "evangelical" Christianity that was the only Christianity I knew for 19 years. I can't relate to much of it. CCM music and "contemporary" worship... the theology of glory... it's all become foreign to me. I feel like I converted on a much larger scale. Even though I've only converted from non-denominational to Lutheran, I feel like I just converted from Hindu to Islam. It seems that significantly different. I feel like I have little in common with most Christians. I used to be very anti-romanist, and now I feel more of a kinship with Catholics and Orthodox than I do with mainstream Christianity. I just can't seem to find a Lutheran church that fits my faith. Most of them seem too mainstream. Isn't that screwed up and sad? I want local fellowship and reverent liturgical worship with other Confessional Lutherans. Is that too much to ask for?

Okay, thanks for letting me vent.

News Story

2008-04-15T08:38:00.001-04:00

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/religion/story/2AA6C162EE5AE3EA8625742C001087AA?OpenDocument

more photos: http://thewretch.blogspot.com/2008/04/why.html

Hostage situation

2008-04-01T23:24:00.002-04:00

It never was my grandfather's church. It's Christ's church... now GIVE IT BACK!

Adding a graphic banner to your blogger header

2008-03-31T14:24:00.000-04:00

When you’re logged in, go to the template tab, and the page elements link. It says “add a page element” for your sidebar, but it doesn’t offer you that at the top by your blog title. You have to edit the code to give yourself the ability to add an element.

To have an “Add a Page Element” option, under “Template”, click “Edit HTML”.Scroll down and towards the bottom, you will see these lines:-

<div id='header-wrapper'>

<b:section class='header' id='header' maxwidgets='1' showaddelement='no'>

Change them to this:-

<div id='header-wrapper'>

<b:section class='header' id='header' maxwidgets='3' showaddelement='yes'>

This will give you 2 more page elements that you can add to your Header.

Right after that are these lines:-

<div id='main-wrapper'>

<b:section class='main' id='main' showaddelement='no'>

Change them to this:-

<div id='main-wrapper'>

<b:section class='main' id='main' showaddelement='yes'>

You are now able to add Page Elements at both the top and bottom of your blog.

Once these are done, Save the Template. Click the “Page Elements” tab, and you will now see “Add a Page Element” option at the top of the Header and Blog Posts. Click Add a Page Element and select “Picture”. You should be able to click Edit on your Picture page element. You can upload your banner here.

Once you’ve got your banner showing, you’ll probably want to remove the old title. You’ve got to go back and edit the html once more.

Go to Template -> Edit HTML.Scroll to where you see this code where your blog title is shown in the part marked orange:-

<b:widget id='Header1' locked='true' title='YOUR BLOG TITLE (Header)' type='Header'/>

Change the locked='true' to locked='false'. Save and click the “Page Elements”tab. When you “Edit” your Header, you will now see a “Remove Page Element”option. Remove it if you want, and refresh the your home page. You should no longer see your title displayed.

Remove border around Header

When you go to Template -> Edit HTML, you will see somewhere near the top a style defined for the #header-wrapper and #header. There is a setting for the border. It may be at 1px width with a solid, dotted or whatever line, of a certain color. To remove the border, either delete this setting entirely or change the 1px to 0px width. Preview the template and if you like what you see,save it. There were two places that I changed from 1px to 0px. That’s it. Then you’re all done.

2008-03-31T10:44:00.002-04:00

Mar 16:15 the Kieschnick translation

And He said to them, "Go into all the world and market the gospel to the whole creation.

*rolls eyes*

Anyone reading this blog? I'm feeling kind of alone.

2008-03-30T21:56:00.001-04:00

Wall Street Journal

2008-03-27T23:36:00.000-04:00

The Issues, Etc story is in the WSJ.

Real Numbers

2008-03-27T17:57:00.002-04:00

Pastor Weedon posted some Issues, Etc. DOWNLOAD STATS.

happy dance

2008-03-27T17:41:00.000-04:00

5000!!!!!!!!!!!

synodical misleadings

2008-03-27T16:30:00.002-04:00

http://adelphoitouchristou.typepad.com/savethelcms/2008/03/obfuscation.html

http://redeemer-fortwayne.org/blog.php?msg=9180

I have Issues too.

2008-03-26T22:54:00.003-04:00

I've posted a lot of links, videos and whatnot, but I've hardly said a personal word about the cancellation of "Issues, Etc.". The reason being, I'd never listened to it, at least not live. I'd only listened to archives, and only on the Zion Marshall website. I had never even heard of KFUO. I found out about Issues, Etc from Pastor Weedon, whose blog is one of the first I started following.

If you've looked back at my very limited blog entries, you know that I'm a new Lutheran. Discerning which blogs are trustworthy is a harrowing job , but I was able to tell early on that Pastor Weedon was the real deal, and that Pastor Cwirla is pretty darn fantastic as well. I can't remember anymore where I first read that Issues, Etc. was canceled, but the news exploded across the blogosphere in about a hour.

All the synod politics are totally mind-boggling to me. I have been a rostered LCMS member since 1997, but I've only really been a Lutheran since last year. I had always believed that the synod was in favor of liturgy, tradition and pure doctrine. I thought the Willow-Creeky mega-church stuff was on the outer edges of the LCMS norm. Now I'm finding out that the confessionals seem to be the underdogs, and that the leadership is all purpose-driven instead of gospel-driven. Where is the accountability? How did these clowns get into positions of leadership? I'm totally confused.

Of course, I had a handle on what was going on with "Issues" from the beginning because Weedon is the man. Once there was talk about a protest, the first thing that came to my mind was a petition. To me, protests and petitions go hand in hand. I tossed out the idea on Weedon's blog hoping that somebody would run with it. Nobody bit, but Weedon gave the idea his blessing. I waited a while longer for somebody to catch the vision and start a petition, but nobody did. So... I bit the bullet. I had no idea who to address, or what specifically to ask for. It was already clear that KFUO wasn't going to put the show back on the air, and even if they would, I doubted that Todd and Jeff would return. But, I didn't know what else to ask for so I did my best (spelling errors and all). So, even though I was starting a petition that seemed to have no hope of accomplishing what I was asking, I still felt it had a purpose.

[Edited to add: I have been getting phone calls and emails from reporters, pastors and the grammar police. People have been asking me where to send money and how to get more information, and who to contact as well as asking me to fix the petition request. Meanwhile, I have had my first ever allergy attack that sent me to the doctor and at the same time my daughter got sick and had to be hospitalized. I told one reporter, "I'm just a stay-at-home-mom with a headcold". I'm nobody special. I'm not a deaconess or a pastors wife, or even a seminary professor's daughter. I'm just a gal who had an idea.

A petition would join our voices in a chorus of support and outrage. As individuals, I can't see your email to President K., and you can't see my phone call to Mr. Strand's office. A petition was a rallying point; an online protest; a virtual vigil. It tallies our voices so that the numbers cannot be ignored. We can see all the denominational lines that were bridged, all the nations that were reached. We see the lives that were touched.

If you haven't signed the petition, I highly recommend that you do so. We're sending a message to the decision makers. We're exposing a much deeper problem. This is no longer just about Issues, Etc. and Todd & Jeff. It's about the corrupt politics and the polluted purposes that are driving the synod away from the gospel. It's about not being Mr. & Mrs. Pewsitter, but getting involved. Part of getting involved means staying informed. Here are a few sources for staying in the loop as things unfold:
www.weedon.blogpsot.com
www.bringbackissues.blogspot.com
www.augsburg1530.wordpress.com (join their yahoogroup)
www.wittenbergtrail.ning.com (join everybody!)

There will be an informational blurb added to the petition website as the information becomes available to me. So keep visiting the petition and read the comments. Some of the stories are very moving.

Do email David Strand and President Kieschnick and ask them for answers.
David.Strand@lcms.orgpresident@lcms.orgThere are many reasons to financially support Todd and Jeff during this time.
The best way to support them is by sending a check to:
Saint Paul Lutheran Church
P.O. Box 247
Hamel, IL 62046
Put "Wilken/Schwarz Fund" in the memo line.

http://augsburg1530.wordpress.com/ is the best source for Protest/Vigil information. I'm not sure who yet, but someone will be presenting the petition to... Well, I don't know who is receiving it either, but I know that it will be taken care of by someone who knows the proper recipient(s).

There are many MANY other websites, articles and blogs that I could list here, but I'm sticking to the basics... the need-to-know info. Thanks for listening.

Issues, Etc. Petition Statistics

2008-03-26T15:26:00.002-04:00

03/19 459 (first day)
03/20 1836
03/21 841
03/22 439
03/23 264
03/24 400
03/25 367
03/26 125 (today as of 3:35edt)
_________
4700 names and counting

2008-03-26T08:44:00.001-04:00

http://uaclutheran.info/

For those looking for a surrogate Issues, Etc. stay tuned to the site above.

KFUO AM - Issues, Etc.

2008-03-24T21:19:00.002-04:00

I talked with Jeff this morning. All I can say is pray, join www.wittenbergtrail.ning.com and send them some money. Hang in there. They won't be silent for long.

Still mourning

2008-03-23T12:56:00.001-04:00

I tried to prevent it, but it still spoiled my first Easter as a Lutheran.

Just for fun

2008-03-21T10:50:00.002-04:00

Issues, Etc. Supporter Buddymap

From the mouth of babes

2008-03-20T11:19:00.001-04:00

935. Brendan XXXXXXXXX, age 7 Peace Lutheran Lemay, MO
Pastor Wilken and Jeff Schwarz have taught my family alot! I listened to Issues, etc. with my Dad.

*sigh* They have no idea how many people they are hurting.

Join the numbers

2008-03-20T10:30:00.001-04:00

If nothing else, it's a visual for Mr. Strand, and a tribute to Todd and Jeff.

Sign a petition

2008-03-19T21:12:00.001-04:00

http://www.petitiononline.com/Issues/petition.html

If nothing else, this will be a visual aid to display how many people are displeased with the decision.

Tragedy! Issues Etc., GONE?!

2008-03-19T07:41:00.004-04:00

Edited to add - They have been preserved: http://www.issuesetcarchive.org/ AND http://www.mtio.com/

Ash Wednesday

2008-02-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

This year will be my first observance of Lent. Yesterday was my first time having ashes applied to my forehead. The liturgy... while the same as always... was different from the usual. The Introit, the Gradual, the Tract and the hymns were very fitting. The Antiphon was from the book of Wisdom and Pastor's chanting made it even more hauntingly beautiful.

You have mercy on all, O Lord, and abhor nothing you have made.
You look past the sins of men that they may repent:
You spare all because you are the lover of souls.

Be merciful to be, O God, be merciful to me:
For my soul trusts in you.
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit:
As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen

You have mercy on all, O Lord, and abhor nothing you have made.
You look past the sins of men that they may repent:
You spare all because you are the lover of souls.

The "lover of souls" part really touches me. I think I will read the book of Wisdom.

Vote for me, please!

2008-02-01T19:25:00.000-05:00

The Colgate-Palmolive company has teamed up with the "Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation" (a charity for ill children). They are donating a Fun Center to the Children's Hospital with the most votes. I'd be thrilled if you would cast a vote for Children's Hospital of Michigan in Detroit. They take excellent care of my daughter when she has complications due to her kidney disorder.

Vote HERE.

Natalie thanks you for your vote!

Haiku

2008-01-22T11:09:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine authored a haiku poem for each of her friends. I decided to try some here, just for fun. I'm only following the 5-7-5 meter. I'm a rule breaker.

For Pastor Weedon:
anointed by Him
you share grace with great vigor
many are blessed, thanks

For Pastor Cwirla:
concentrated worth
your words nourish my spirit
the Lord be with you

For Mouthy McCain:
some controversy
yet concordia offered
sense of humor too

object's name withheld:
duplicate obverse
vested jekyll friendship hide
burro aperture

Okay, that's enough for now. LOL

A choice steak

2008-01-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

I love Pastor Cwirla. This is a MUST read! http://www.modernreformation.org/default.php?page=printfriendly&var1=Print&var2=310

This rocked my old charismatic/prosperity socks off.

Books for Sale

2008-01-18T18:26:00.000-05:00

Send your friends!!

Get on the trail!

2008-01-14T17:51:00.000-05:00

I have a link in the sidebar, but I want to draw your attention to http://wittenbergtrail.ning.com. Whether you're a pastor, a seminary student, a life-long Lutheran, a new Lutheran convert, a non-Lutheran or even a non-Christian you can join. If you're looking to learn about the Lutheran faith in an interactive environment, this is the perfect place. Come on and join The Wittenberg Trail!

Visit The Wittenberg Trail

Why "orthodoxy hunter"?

2008-01-12T19:49:00.000-05:00

I've been asked a few times what my blog/user name means or why I chose this name. To some of you it's probably obvious, but for those whom it's not, I'll explain.

Ortho means "correct" and dox means "belief". I'm hunting for the absolutely correct interpretation of scripture. I'm a truth seeker, when it comes to matters of Christian theology. First Timothy 4:16 tells us to watch our doctrine. I've been questioning my teachers (in the faith) as long as I can remember.

I could have chosen the name truth seeker just as easily. I chose orthodoxy hunter as sort of an opposite to the pejorative phrase "heresy hunter" (which I have also been accused of before). I don't waste my time looking for the errors in others' doctrine, although I may point them out as I discover them. I busy myself with purging myself of my own mis-interpretations. Also, why should orthodoxy be a word claimed by only the Eastern Orthodox Church as a proper name? (if you are eastern orthodox, that is a rhetorical question)

I haven't chosen the name orthodoxy hunter to illustrate that I'm exploring Eastern Orthodoxy, because I'm not. It has nothing to do with the EO church, and everything to do with seeking right belief. I want to know God as completely and accurately as possible through the study of the Word so that I may trust him all the more, and better share him with others.

Kudos to Ben

2008-01-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

You're my hero. LOL

I found a fantastic new blog. Check it out! http://jcmusings.wordpress.com/

Savior? from what?

2008-01-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

As a Christian, I've always been intrigued with the Jewish people and their faith. I attended a Messianic Synagogue for a period of time to get a grasp on how the gospel completed the faith of a Jewish person. Most of the people I met were curious Christians like myself, or Jewish people who were not raised as practicing Jews. Even the Rabbi was not raised with attendance in a synagogue. His understanding of the faith was more cultural, I suspect.

Lately I've been thinking about liturgy and the history of the Christian faith. I've been trying to see what the early church looked like. How did the early Roman and Eastern churches look in practice? How did it vary from the Apostles? How did it vary from the Sabbath worship of the Jews? It's a piece of history that I can't look up on youtube by watching a Sabbath service today. Back then, there was no Talmud or Mishna and the like. All they had was the Tenach, the Sanhedrin, the Sadducees and the Pharisees.

I asked a Jewish friend about temple worship, but she couldn't really tell me what that looked like. She tells me that the Jewish people aren't looking for atonement through a savior. They hardly pay attention to the Tenach anymore. They don't study the prophets, but rather the Talmud. (extra-biblical writings) She tells me that the messiah is a political leader that will give them back their holy land and peace. Some even believe that the messiah is just an era of peace. That blew my mind. When did they stop looking for the anointed one? When did the promises & prophecies become moot points to their faith? If Jesus was saying "I am he", then didn't somebody have to be looking for him?

Gary Held, a pastor on the Wittenberg Trail forum recommended some books to me by N.T. Wright. These would show me the Judasim of Jesus time. I googled the name and found a website with some of his papers on them. I found what I was looking for, and it even answered questions about the "Torah redactor" theory. I didn't find anything about liturgy, but I did find the historical Judaism I was looking for. They were looking for atonement, but not the likes of Jesus.

I think over the years, in the many writings of subsequent Rabbis, Judaism has tried to play down the role of the anointed one so as to make Jesus look less credible. Now they scoff at the idea of a savior for sins.

2 Peter 3:3-7 ...be mindful of the words spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of the Lord and Saviour by your apostles; knowing this first, that there shall come at the close of the days mockers with mocking, walking according to their own lusts, and saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for from the time the fathers fell asleep all things remain thus from the beginning of the creation. For this is hidden from them through their own willfulness, that heavens were of old, and an earth, having its subsistence out of water and in water, by the word of God, through which waters the then world, deluged with water, perished. But the present heavens and the earth by his word are laid up in store, kept for fire unto a day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.

Wow. It's right there! God knew a time would come where the people would deny the promise. I found the current expression of faith of the Jews to be troubling, but now I understand it.

Worship Style

2008-01-05T07:10:00.000-05:00

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

I happened upon the above illustration last summer while googling the words "perfunctory worship". I spotted it in the blog of Benjamin Sternke. That day I also searched for phrases such as "perfunctory liturgy" or "rote worship". I had long since considered "hymnbook churches" to be dead, "religious"*, routine, impersonal, stale, antiquated, outdated and irrelevant. I couldn't get past the historic look and sound to hear the timeless message. Even my own church at the time (LCMS megachurch) had told us that one of their goals was to be "culturally relevant".

In my quest to understand my friend's conversion to Eastern Orthodoxy, I was taking a fresh look at liturgy. For almost 19 years I had written it off, but now I was giving it a second look. I think Ben is a emerging/emergent/missional type located in the Ft. Wayne vicinity. He wrote a series of blog entries inspired by reading Simon Chan's book "Liturgical Theology". I bought myself the book but I wasn't overly impressed. Chan is reformed and his doctrine colors his perspective. I found it hard to follow because I don't subscribe to reformed/Calvinist doctrine.

Ben asks the question "Is there enough room in liturgical worship for the spontaneous movements of the Spirit? If we're going to think more deeply about our forms of worship and seek to mold them into more effective and biblical liturgies, are we going to sacrifice the ability to "flow with the Spirit?" Wow. I couldn't have said it any better. This was one of my concerns. If liturgical worship meant singing the same songs, praying the same prayers, reusing the same call & response, reading the same scriptures... in other words, following the lectionary year after year, where was the spontaneity? How could our worship be of any value if it wasn't a personal expression that was born in our hearts? How could I, individually, offer my own, original, native praise and thanks to God if I had to conform to a prayer or a song that somebody wrote 1400 years ago? When and how in a liturgical service could one stand up and speak a prophecy? Can you see how goofed up my thinking was?

That cartoon struck me, because I felt like I had been trapped in the middle for so long. I was sick of charismania. I was tired of empty praise choruses, ambiguous "prophecies", abuse of "baptism in the holy spirit" and the teachings about praying in tongues. Of course, we only had the contemporary praise at our LCMS megachurch. I had already forsaken non-denominational church. I had come to a place were I recognized that hymns were rich with doctrine and scripture. I was ripe for liturgy and I didn't even know it.

Now that I've been attending a good liturgical Lutheran church, I've seen first hand how the spirit works within the structure of liturgy. The Holy Spirit comes to us in two ways. Word and Sacrament. The problem with reformed theology (and Ben's theology, I suspect) is that it denies the presence of God in the sacraments. And somehow as post-modern Protestants we forget how powerful the Word is. The Word is God! It is within hearing the Word of God read that the Holy Spirit moves and flows. Liturgy is chock full of the Word of God. The value of liturgy is that it doesn't originate with me. I can't add anything to God. Liturgy gives God's word to us, but that's not all it gives.

In the Lord's Supper, God feeds us the body and blood of his only begotten son, Jesus Christ. You are what you eat. Jesus is the bread that came down from heaven. Unless you eat his flesh and drink his blood, you have no life in you. His flesh is true food and his blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on his flesh and drinks his blood has Jesus living in him, and he is in Jesus. These words are spirit and life. (John 6:48-64) Speaking of words, don't forget that Jesus is word made flesh. (John 1:1,14) Liturgy gives us Word and Sacrament and therefore Spirit and Life.

Can I get an amen?!

I've now completed the evolution and I am the worshiper on the right. I love liturgy because I love the Word of God. The message of the Gospel is timeless and can never be culturally irrelevant. God's Word doesn't change. The Holy Spirit moves and flows in the same Word today as always. And when I join myself to the Word both verbally and bodily, I'm communing with the whole body of Christ including all the saints, now and throughout history as they are not dead but alive and in the presence of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It's a Holy mystery and I learned about it through the Divine Liturgy.

* The word "religious" has negative connotations in much of protestantism today. e.g. "I'm not religious, I just love the Lord.".

Books!

2008-01-02T13:14:00.001-05:00

I've been trying to get my hands on one of these books for a couple of weeks now, but circumstances prevented it. Either something came up and I couldn't go to the store, or the store I went to didn't carry it, or the Lutheran bookstore was closed that day.

Today, I succeeded! I have my very own copy of Concordia | The Lutheran Concessions. (Reader's 2nd Edition of the Book of Concord edited by all of English speaking Lutherandom's most beloved Mouthy McCain™.) *giggle*

I also picked up The Fire and the Staff today. I'm pretty sure the Lutheran bookstore loves me because I keep going in there and spending money. In the last couple of months I've bought the books you see pictured. My church uses TLH, but I bought LSB for the personal daily lectionary. I bought The Spirituality of the Cross at the store that didn't carry Concordia. The top two were actually my Christmas gift from my husband.

I haven't looked at On Being Lutheran yet. *gulp* When I added to my amazon wish list, I didn't realize it was an ELCA book. If it looks bad, I'll return it. Anyone care to offer a review?

I'm more than halfway through Why I am a Lutheran and I'm really enjoying it. The first to chapters were stellar. The 3rd chapter was a little concerning to me, but I can't recall why. Now I'm reading about baptism and communion. I don't feel as jazzed about this section, but only because none of it is news to me after watching the AIC classes for these topics (which are awesome btw).

We like books in this house. I'm sure we have well over 600 books, 90% or more of which are non-fiction. At least 50% are faith related. I shall now go enjoy my new books. :D

Question of the day: What does Vatican II have to do with the Lutheran church? Anyone?

3 years old (tomorrow)

2008-01-01T17:48:00.000-05:00

We had a birthday party today with 12 guests. 2 sets of grandparents, an aunt and uncle, another aunt and 5 cousins. We had balloons, streamers and a piñata. The house is full of scraps of paper and joy. It's a little bittersweet. My baby is growing up so fast.

Free Will

2007-12-31T07:16:00.000-05:00

I've come a long way in my understanding about God's will and his sovereignty. For the first 12ish years of faith I thought that God basically sat on his hands. I told people that God doesn't cosmically rape people by forcing his will on them. That was my explanation as to why bad things happen to nice people and why not everybody is a believer.

I thought that God was all powerful, but that he didn't make use of that power as often as we'd like when it involved more that one person's will. For example, I might pray for my best friend to "get saved", but I believed that God couldn't fulfill that because it may violate my friend's free will to accept (or reject) God on her own terms. I had put much to much emphasis on free will and that was just one of my errors.

A few years back I encountered Calvinism. First I met a "Primitive Baptist" guy on the internet. Then I met a handful of Presbyterians on the internet. They introduced me to "TULIP". Of course I flat-out disagreed right off the bat, but I wrestled with it for a couple of years. I just couldn't let it go.

I insisted based on my personal conversion to Christianity (rather than conforming the understanding of my experience to what scripture teaches) that in order for people to come to faith, they needed to accept Christ, say a sinner's prayer, or ask Jesus into their heart. Man had to make the first move because otherwise God was cosmically raping people. The Calvinists insisted that no man would come to God on his own because they were spiritually dead. They also said that God had to regenerate people for them to come to faith, and that only some were elected to regeneration. What?!! I fell back on "For God so loved the WORLD" and verses like that.

I just couldn't accept TULIP, but I continued to have constructive arguments and read books about the subject. As one who believed in Believer’s Baptism, I just couldn't wrap my head around the "faith is a gift" concept. If my faith didn't originate in me, what value could it have before God? What good is devotion if you are coerced to give that devotion? In the end, my grasp on God's sovereignty was a lot closer to biblical.

Sometimes I can't think outside of the box, and this was one of those times. Either we did have free will and were always free to accept or reject God... or we didn't have free will and we could neither come to God without his choosing us, nor once chosen you would/could never leave. Now I finally understand that it doesn't have to be one way or the other.

We are NOT free; we do not have the ability to come to God on our own. We must first be given the gift of faith in order to turn to God. But, on the other side of that, we ARE free to reject God. Grace is not irresistible (unless you're a smart, miserable sinner. LOL). I had made faith into a work. I had to tap God on the shoulder in order to receive rebirth. I had to do something. I used to argue that I wasn't exactly preaching synergism, because this work of faith wasn't deserving of merit... but merit means "deserving reward", so in essence, saying that one must invite God into their life in order to receive salvation is the same as saying I must work for the reward of eternal life. Whoops! That's not Grace!

Because of original sin, we are spiritually dead and can't/won't come to God on our own. We must be given the gift of faith. Faith isn't intellectual assent to a set of doctrines. Jesus described the faith of children as what faith should look like.

After digging into the Book of Concord and revisiting baptism, I accepted that baptism was for babies, but I'm still wrestling with fully understanding it. For weeks now I've questioned "If you are regenerated at baptism, but still have the free will to reject God, why bother baptizing babies?". I think this question was born of the "once saved, always saved" mindset and still considering the age of reason. Even with accepting infant baptism, it seemed to me that a person would be more likely to stick with their faith if their regeneration was accompanied by personal understanding.

As you can see, there are still many holes in my understanding. I'm attempting to fill them up by continuing to question these things. Right now I'm watching a class about Baptism that you can find here It's a 90 minute class and it is FANTASTIC!

Sanctus

2007-12-30T08:19:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: A lot of you old Lutherans are going to be saying "Thank you Captain Obvious" to most of my posts I'm afraid. You'll just have to tough it out as I make observations that are news to me. ;)

In the liturgy, we sing the "Sanctus" every week. "Sanctus" is Latin for "Holy" although we sing the sanctus in English.

It is my understanding that we sing "Holy, Holy, Holy" (three times) for two reasons. First for emphasis on God's holiness, and second because we say it once each for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

This practice of singing of God's holiness predates Christianity. Even the Jewish people sing:
Kadosh Kadosh Kadosh Adonai Tz'vaot
Melo Kol Haaretz Kevodo

Holy, Holy, Holy, The Lord of Hosts,
The entire world is filled with His Glory

The version pictured above is a blending of Isaiah 6:3 and John 12:13.

For years I wondered what this song was about (besides the obvious). What is "Sabaoth"? What does "Hosanna" mean? I thought Sabaoth was a weird spelling for Sabbath. I thought Hosanna was a word of praise like hallelujah. Sabaoth means "Lord of the armies of Israel" and Hosanna means "save" or "save us". So we're asking our Holy God of the army of believers to save us to heaven... I think. Don't take my word for it, ask your pastor.

My Faith Story

2007-12-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

Growing up, my family didn't attend church or talk about God. It was a non-issue. My mom did put out a nativity scene at Christmas but that only served to confuse things for me. I wondered "If Jesus is God, then who made Joseph and Mary?". I thought Joseph was Jesus’ father and I wondered how his son could be the creator of the world if Mary and he existed before Jesus did.

My best friend from ages 4 -12 was a Roman Catholic. If I spent the night at their house on Saturday, I would go to church with them on Sunday. I remember thinking it was boring. My grandmother married into the United Church of Christ. My family would attend her church on Christmas and Easter from time to time, as my mom's 2nd cousin was the pastor there. I remember thinking that the liturgy was boring and the sermons were much too informal compared to the Roman Catholic church. The pastor was humorous and laughing in God's presence seemed wrong to me. My best friend from 12-14 attended a Baptist church. I think it might have been Southern Baptist, but I can't say for sure. I remember thinking it was far more interesting than the other two churches and the hymns seemed more understandable to me. Perhaps they were contained more human sentiment than scripture.. but I'm just speculating. I willingly went to church with friends because I wanted to please God. I figured going was better than not going. I wanted to stay on God’s good side.

In case you're wondering, I was baptized by an Army Chaplin in Hawaii in 1973. I have no idea from what tradition he was because the baby book containing my birth certificate is missing. March 31st, 1989 was a turning point for me. We were on a family camping trip 1200 miles from home. We were staying in a State Park that had tricky reservation policies. You either had to go to the county courthouse in-person, or to the campground in-person to make reservations. My step-father's college buddy had moved to that county so he made our reservations for us every year. Due to these policies, it was rare to meet an out-of-state visitor while camping there but this year was different.

When we first arrived at the park, I headed for the restroom. There I met a girl who was from a town just 10 miles from my own and was classmates with two of my ex-boyfriends. After our brief introduction in the bathroom, I returned to my campsite not knowing what site she was staying in. The next day I was mailing a postcard to one of the guys we both knew and I wanted say that I had met her, but I didn't know her name. Somehow, I walked straight to her RV, knocked on the door and asked "Is the girl with the red hair here?". (The Holy Spirit led me, perhaps? Hmm!)

She and I spoke for a while... long story short, she asked me if I had ever asked Jesus into my heart. I said "no.". She asked "Do you want to?" to which I replied "sure.” with a shrug. I had nothing against God. She and her mother offered to lead me in prayer. We joined hands and I repeated their prayer, but only silently. At the end of the prayer, before we lifted our heads, a thought entered my mind "I wonder if this is what it means to be born again?". We then released hands and looked up and the girl's mother said to me "This means you're born again!". I was totally floored because it was like she was reading my mind. I instantly felt different and it lasted for weeks. The new feeling was accompanied by an inceptive interest in God and the Bible and a desire to do good deeds.

Upon returning to school a week or so later, I learned that the guy who sat next to me in my art class went to the same church as the girl I met on vacation. I began attending youth group with them; his father drove us. There I was introduced to a myriad of doctrines from charismatic gifts to sin and grace through Jesus death. I was also exposed to contemporary worship including the raising of hands and clapping. It wasn't the "dead and boring" stuff I was exposed to as a kid and I responded to it instantly. During those first few months it seemed that I day didn't go by where I didn't learn something new, and a moment didn't pass where God wasn't at the front of my mind. Amidst the charismatic emphasis on speaking in tongues and whatnot, I did manage to come to an understanding that I needed to repent and that I needed a savior and I prayed for forgiveness without being led by someone else. In November of that year I was re-baptized (a “believer's baptism”).

The first few years I took things as they came. Everything was new to me. I was enchanted by this baptism of the Holy Spirit that was spoken of all the time and I sought this experience with a passion. I went anywhere that any "powerful minister" was going to be. Whole rooms full of believers would be "slain in the spirit" and I'd be the only person standing and I'd ask God why. I wanted whatever he had for me and I couldn't understand why I couldn't get this other baptism and the gift of tongues. I was told to receive it by faith and just start speaking (gibberish) and it would come. Testing God didn’t feel right so I was reluctant to “speak forth in faith”.

The church I attended was in a state of flux. They were moving towards the prosperity gospel and were going through a pastor change and a growth spurt. I didn't notice the change in youth group, but after getting my driver's license and starting to attend on Sundays, I was exposed to the "Name it and Claim it" mindset creeping in. About the same time, I also had a new boyfriend who was much deeper into the prosperity gospel and I began going to church with him. This period really put my "faith" to the test and I failed miserably. Nothing I spoke or claimed ever came to be. Within a few months I determined that this was just turning faith into a work. With this belief I didn't need God anymore because if I had enough faith in my faith, then I could get whatever I wanted. And, never would I have tried to speak justification, sanctification or salvation into existence. Speaking and claiming was always about selfish material gain or personal success. It was never about piety, clothing and feeding the poor, caring for widows and orphans or about God forgiving us as we forgive others. This wasn't the Gospel of the bible, it wasn't even close. It took me years to really come to understand this.

Over the next few years I continued to bounce around from one non-denominational church to another. I was convinced that lively worship was the only kind of worship where your heart couldn't be far from your lips and that all "hymnbook churches" were dead. I figured that people attended them because they were raised in them and thought they were pleasing God, but they really didn't know Jesus or worship him. It was just a perfunctory Sunday routine. Even my own grandmother was convinced that she was going to heaven because she was a good person. That wasn't the Gospel. While I loved contemporary worship, I had also come to the conclusion that charismatic gifts were grossly misunderstood and I stopped seeking them.

In 1996, I met the man who would become my husband. We worked together. One day I went to his desk for something and he was reading a bible. When I returned to my desk I sent him an email that said "So, you're my brother!?" and the rest is history. We began dating within weeks. He was raised a WELS Lutheran. I visited his church with him and experienced a "common service" and unpadded pews. I was bored to tears and told him I could never sit through that again. He visited my flavor-of-the-year charismatic church and told me that it was a circus. In my Christian concert goings and bible-study-hoppings I had become familiar with a moderate LCMS church. We visited together and decided to take their membership class. Part way through the class we got engaged and we were eventually married there. Within weeks of the wedding, the church opened up their new "Worship Center". It had stadium seating and the alter was up on a stage.

We hadn't quite noticed, but for months things had been slowly changing from semi-liturgical to more contemporary. With the opening of the worship center came new worship practices. We had a full worship band up on the stage with colored/gelled spotlights and big screens where the words were projected... just like any other non-denominational church. Over the next 8 years they grew into a fully contemporary mega-church. We never followed the lectionary but the sermons were pretty good. I referred to myself as a Christian who attended a Lutheran Church. I never considered myself to be a Lutheran.

In 2005 I gave birth to our daughter. She was born with a rare genetic kidney disorder called Bartter's Syndrome. As a result of the kidney disease, when she would get common illnesses, she always had to be hospitalized. Once she was big enough to walk, we found it darn near impossible to get anything out of church and putting her in the nursery was out of the question. Every time we put her in, she would end up being hospitalized. We became shut-ins.

Since my daughter and I were essentially living in a bubble while my husband went to work, I made friendships on the internet to keep myself from going stir-crazy. In the summer of 2007, one of my respected internet friends converted from Presbyterian to Eastern Orthodoxy. This threw me for a loop. I had always regarded Eastern Orthodoxy to be the same as Roman Catholic with a slightly different calendar. Also, I had always regarded my friend to be a thinker and a staunch Protestant and Calvinist. She too had had a bit of a charismatic phase in her past. I couldn't figure what on earth would be drawing her to such an ethnic, rote and antiquated expression of faith.

I began scouring the internet for accounts of Eastern Orthodox people turning to Lutheranism, but I found only accounts of Lutherans heading east. In my internet searches I found accounts of John Fenton's conversion to Eastern Orthodoxy. Also, at the same time, I turned to my husband's Book of Concord to look for some protestant faith of antiquity because I knew Rome wasn't for me. I'm not sure which parts of the Book of Concord I read because I skipped around. The most significant change was that I became convinced that the Body and Blood of Christ were truly present at communion. I had never believed that before. Now, I couldn't wait to take communion again! It had been nearly 2 years since the last time we had been to church. I found a church near me that offered communion every week and made plans to visit it someday soon.

In September of 2007, our daughter was having some health complications with a persistant duodenal ulcer and was hospitalized for 25 days. In the midst of her stay, had to have g-tube surgery done. The church I wanted to visit was only about 4 miles from the hospital. The Sunday before her surgery I attended that LCMS church because I knew I could count on them having communion. That day I was introduced to the Divine Liturgy of the Tridentine Mass. But, this was different the Roman Catholic church. It wasn't solemn, but it was exceedingly reverent. People bowed at the name of Jesus and the mention of the Trinity. I was overcome by the stark difference between this and our church. I knelt in church for the first time in decades and it felt so right. Then, when we got to communion, the bulletin said that you're not a member, you can't take communion until you've spoken with the pastor. At this news I lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted the Body and Blood and I had come there that reason alone and now I wasn't going to get it? A woman saw me crying and came over to me. When I told her why I was upset, she told me to go up, but to keep my head down and the pastor would bless me. I did as she said but the pastor bent down and said "Do you want communion or...", and I said "Yes but..." and he said "Are you Lutheran?" and I said "Yes" and he stuck a wafer in my mouth. O rapture! The body of Christ at last!

I honestly can’t explain what happened to me that day. For nearly 20 years I had detested “hymnbook churches” for their perfunctory format and lifeless worship. I abhorred the lectionary, paraments and vestments and their seasonal colors, call & response, and the stand-up, sit-down, kneel, repeat. I don’t know why this time was different. There was just something about it. The fear of God and adoration perhaps. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it isn’t just one thing, but everything. Now I just can’t get enough of it.

I have attended this church nearly every Sunday since that day. I've only missed once due to a snow storm. I'm learning first hand how rich the liturgy is, and that hymns are rich as well. I'm getting a handle on the proper balance between law and gospel. I’m seeing the big picture of the bible more clearly and I’m understanding scripture with more continuity. I'm starving for catechesis! I'm reading like there's no tomorrow. I've always got my nose in something from the church fathers to "Why I am a Lutheran" by Daniel Preus. I want somebody to go through the Book of Concord with me. I'm keeping up with a handful of blogs. I'm asking questions to whoever has the answers. I plan to start posting some of them here. Thanks for reading. :)